The Little Things

I will forever maintain the belief that happiness is not about having everything in your life perfectly in place but is instead about stringing together the smaller positives in any given day. Nothing will ever be perfect, but savoring the best parts of life can make it feel pretty darn close (something about traffic signals and level seven of Dragon Master). Silver linings can turn bad days around, and if you know where I’m getting this from, please don’t judge me based on my affinity towards a certain young adult novel. Anyway.

Last week, I woke up and didn’t want to go to school. My head was groggy, my throat was scratchy, and my legs were throbbing. I forced myself into my shirt and tie, slowly brushed my teeth, stared deeply into the hollow and defeated eyes that mimicked my own in the mirror, and dragged myself to the bus stop, completely exhausted.

It was a Wednesday, which meant some my loudest and craziest students awaited me in the classroom. But I put on my fake smile and perked up as I approached the school grounds – as a teacher, I always have to be “on,” even if I have to fake it to make it. I smiled and laughed as the kids shouted “Hi Brian Teacher” and “Good morning!” from every which way, but I secretly wanted to crawl back into my bed at home and sleep for five to ten more hours.

When I finally made it to my desk, I slumped in my chair with twenty minutes until my first class began. “Behind Closed Doors” by Otis McDonald blared through my headphones, a last minute attempt to pump myself up with a November Project classic. When the bell rang and my students stormed into the room, I feigned excitement and began the lesson.

By the end of class, my fake smile had become genuine, and my energy levels had begun to rise. The students I expected to be fully disruptive and uncontrollable had been angels, and the lesson had exceeded expectations. By the beginning of the next class, I had regained my composure, and every class for the rest of the day played out as flawlessly as the first one.

The day could have very easily gone south before it even started, but my kids saved me in the end. I started off with a terrible attitude, expecting the worst in everything, but as the day progressed, a string of positives brought me back to reality.

A child’s morning greeting and enthusiasm to speak English. A nostalgic song from a group that likes to #raceeverything. A morning chant to start off first period. A song introducing family members and the phrase “Nice to meet you.” An activity that gets kids out of their seats and yelling at the top of their lungs. A game that is supposed to get the stronger students to help the weaker ones with their writing skills. The smile that creeps over your face when the game works exactly as intended and everyone is having a good time. The breath you exhale after the last class ends and you feel like you were just getting started.

I came into this job having never taught a class in my life, and after a month I still feel like I’m only scratching the surface of actual teaching skills, but the kids at this school are keeping me going. On the good days, it’s easy to show up and put on a show for the students, but it’s not so bad on those hard days either. It’s all a matter of perspective, and my kids have given me a reason to shoot for the genuine smiles each and every day. I came here hoping to make a difference in their lives, but they’re already making a huge difference in mine.